


Our Own Broken World

by Hyperionova



Category: EXO (Band), Sekai - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Disability, Disabled Character, M/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-23 14:40:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7467261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyperionova/pseuds/Hyperionova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by The Fundamentals of Caring.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. I Broke Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by The Fundamentals of Caring.

_I BROKE MYSELF…_

_He fell for me,_

_He bent and broke me,_

_He erased the misery from my life with his kindness,_

_He erased the joy from my life with his absence,_

_Will I ever be able to smile hereafter?_

_Without staggering,_

_Without hitting the floor,_

_Will I recover from this agony hereafter?_

_When he smiled,_

_The corner of his lips washed away my sins,_

_He was my wings,_

_I was his blessing,_

_Before I could drown in the rain,_

_Before I could be engulfed by the fire,_

_Before I could love him,_

_I tried to walk away,_

_I tried to stay sane,_

_I failed,_

_I fell for him just as hard._

_I broke myself._

 

He puts the pen down and stares at the paper’s tattered corners. Every morning he wakes up, he’ll have to put on a mask, a façade, and continue with this meaningless life, pretending for it to have any meaning at all. The morning is oozing its brightness into the room, but not into his darkened heart. No light can even reach his heart anymore, let alone a person.

He draws his fingertips softly along the last line— _I broke myself._ When he momentarily clenches his eyes shut, a bead of tear drops and spatters on _agony._ The pain in his chest intensifies and misery floods his soul.

He puts the papers away and turns his laptop on. He starts typing.

**_He was special._ **

He backspaces and deletes the line before he types;

**_What was so special about him?_ **

**_Nothing. There was nothing special about him. He was a boy who had it all and yet had absolutely nothing. He was a man wanting to be a child again. He was a child longing to become a man. He had his demons, he tried to be an angel like any of us. There was balance in his life, but there wasn’t any impartiality. He stayed true to himself, nevertheless. He never loved himself. I had to love him for him. So was he special? I didn’t think so and neither had he._ **

**_It was summer 2013 when I met him. At my sister’s wedding. He was holding my sister’s hand as he tried to slide the ring on her finger. He couldn’t. So his best man helped. I wasn’t the best man, obviously. It was a complete surprise that my sister had even invited me to her wedding. Nina and I didn’t always see eye to eye, but that might also be because she’s so much shorter than me. I had come to the wedding, nonetheless, although in the nick of time, looking half-arsed, half-asleep with my necktie untied around my neck and coat unbuttoned. Nobody paid much attention to me or my wild bed hair. I remembered drinking a lot and getting utterly blotto at the wedding reception. I had always been the invisible in the family. I stayed away from my family as much as I could. I was abroad all my life—Ireland, Switzerland, Africa, Paris, Norway, the United States of America, etc. I was trying to publish my second book after the first one had become a world favourite. No one in my family took me seriously because I wasn’t like any of them and I didn’t turn out to be a snobby dick. I wasn’t like Nina. I didn’t go into corporate business as my father would have liked. I didn’t become a software engineer as my mother would have anticipated. I had a master’s degree in journalism, though. I was a writer. Sure, I wasn’t my parents’ ideal child like Nina, who had secured a low-paying job in an office, who got married to a filthy rich guy, who did all the wrongs things for her right reasons. While she settled down, I was looking for a story to write._ **

**_Spring 2014, I received a text message from my sister while I was in a hotel room in Lithuania with a hot, blonde boy in my arms. I didn’t even get his name. Her message read: Come spend spring w/ us if you’re free._ **

**_I replied: With “us”? U mean with u and ur hub-hubs? U serious?_ **

**_She texted back: Yes._ **

**_It was a nice gesture, I supposed. I was looking forward to going home anyway. So I booked a plane ticket and packed my things._ **

**_You see, this is where the story actually begins. Because this isn’t my story. It’s Sehun’s. The boy who had wilted away like the white rose I gave him… The first rose he had ever received…_ **

**~*~**

_Let the sky fall… When it crumbles. We will stand tall. Face it all together. At skyfall… that skyfall. Skyfall is where we start. A thousand miles and poles apart. Where worlds collide and days are dark. You may have my number, you can take my name. But you'll never have my heart._

If there is one person Kai aspires to meet and personally offer his admiration for her, it’s Adele. Could there be anyone in this world who doesn’t possibly adore that living legend? His entire playlist is filled to the brim with her songs. While the tune plays, he stares out the cab’s window, astounded by how lush and green the private land is.

He takes his earphones off when he sees the cabbie mouthing something through the rear-view mirror. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“Relative or friend?” the old cabbie inquires.

“Oh, relative.” Kai smiles.

The cabbie’s eyebrows arch. “Really? Are you related to the Ohs?”

It is only fair for the Oh family to be renowned and the family’s name literally extends to every corner of the town. The Ohs are stinking rich, probably made of money from head to toe and they have properties all over the country. This estate alone is as vast as a sea. His sister has really struck her luck by being married to their only son. Kai knows that money is the only reason Nina married him. An ambitious woman like her has more goals than compassion.

“No, I’m related to their in-laws.”

“I see,” the man sings as he pulls the car over the driveway of the manor.

Kai exits the cab first. He looks up at the manor and lets out a sigh. “Thanks,” he mutters when the cabbie helps him with the luggage and backpack. “Here.”

The cabbie flashes a toothy grin when Kai pays him the fare with some extra bills. “Bless you, son.”

Kai returns the smile and hauls his luggage up the steps of the porch, slinging the backpack over a shoulder as the cab drives away.  He runs a hand through his hair and rings the doorbell. While he waits, he checks his phone for new mails and messages.

The door springs open and Kai raises his head. He doesn’t know the woman standing before him, glaring at him like he has offended her with his appearance. “Did you not read the _no door-to-door salespeople_ sign?” she grimly asks.

“Oh,” Kai slips his phone into his jacket’s pocket and laughs. “I’m not a salesman. I’m Nina’s brother. Kai. You might have seen me at the wedding.”

The woman looks with scrutiny, but her scowl eases. “No, I didn’t.”

Kai rubs the back of his neck and clears his throat. “My name’s Kai. Can you tell Nina her brother’s here? She asked me to come.”

“Martha? Who is it?” he hears Nina’s voice echo from inside and his lips stretch into a smile. He might not always give his stamp of approval to sister’s standpoints and choices of lifestyle, but she _is_ his sister after all. Growing up, they used to be the best partners in crime, each other’s confidantes, and best friends. But then, Nina grew up and so did Kai. They found interests in very different areas. Nina wanted to find comfort in money. Kai wanted to find comfort in happiness.

Money and happiness are two very different things.

Kai has found his happiness and Nina has found her money.

“He claims to be your brother, ma’am,” the woman, whom Kai suspects to be a maidservant, says.

“What?” he hears Nina gasp before she comes into sight. Kai grins at her when she slides through the door. “Kai!” she exclaims as though she is excited to see him. That’s a first, so Kai doesn’t know how to react to his sister being nice to him. She clasps her hands to Kai’s arms and leans in to peck on his cheeks. “You came.” She beams, pulling back.

“Yeah, I had nothing to do.” Kai shrugs, trying to figure out why Nina is in such a light mood. The last time he saw her, she was sporting a plastic smile all through her wedding. If there is one thing Kai knows for sure, it’s the fact that Nina doesn’t love her husband. She isn’t capable of loving such a person. She is head over heels in love with her husband’s family money.

“Come in,” she chimes and ushers Kai into the manor. It takes a moment to adjust his vision. The interior is designed in Victorian style through and through. Everything is made of rich brown wood and there are countless flower vases. The mahogany floorboards are mostly carpeted.

There is a round marble table in the entrance hallway topped with a huge vase, housing white hydrangeas. Kai whistles in awe, glancing around the manor. “Wow, sis. Are these people related to the Queen of England?” he scoffs and meets Nina’s amused smile.

“I wondered the same thing when I first came here.”

Kai settles his backpack on the round table and peels his jacket off. Martha, the maidservant, takes his jacket at once. “You live like the royals, I swear to God.”

Nina’s smile falters and she shrugs. “Yeah, I suppose. It’s really nice of you to come, Kai. I really thought you wouldn’t.”

“Well, I was honestly suffering from a writer’s block. So I just need a break,” he says and starts to wander into the house. “Is it just the two of you in here?”

“No. My father and mother-in-law are out of town for a couple of weeks.”

“So it’s just the two of you for a couple of weeks.”

“Not that now you’re here,” she grins and Kai wonders why Nina looks so relieved that he is here. Usually, she’d groan and ignore him every time he comes home for Christmas.

Kai sinks into the chaise lounge in the living hall and spreads his arms over the top of it. “So, where’s the hubby?”

Nina settles on the chaise lounge beside him. She looks so much different now. Her hair is longer, her skin is glowing and she is wearing clothes that literally scream money. She is rich. Nina is beautiful, probably the most beautiful girl Kai knows. That is why she was able to get into this house in the first place.

“He’s upstairs.”

Kai cocks a brow. “Oh, my God. Don’t tell me there’s an elevator?”

Nina smiles sheepishly. “Of course, there is, Kai.”

“Damn,” he straightens up and looks into Nina’s eyes. He never tries to talk about _why_ Nina married whom she married. Because he knows she will lie. But maybe he shouldn’t be so harsh on his sister. Maybe she has changed for the better. Maybe she can truly love her husband. Maybe she does. “Are you okay?” he asks.

“Yeah, why?”

“No, I mean… are you happy?”

Nina falls silent. Kai doesn’t need to ask further. “I am, Kai. I’m really happy,” she says.

Maybe he asked the question wrong. “Is _he_ making you happy?”

“Why are you asking that?” she chuckles nervously and stands up. “I married him, Kai. Of course, he’s making me happy.”

“Okay,” Kai raises his palms in defeat. “So,” he shoots up to his feet. “What’s the plan? How do you intend to spend the spring?”

“Well, for now, why don’t you go and get some sleep. Rest, take a shower or something. Martha will show you to the guest room.”

Kai suddenly realizes how sore his back is. So he doesn’t argue. He could use some hot bath and a comfy mattress. “Yeah, kay.”

“I’ll have dinner ready by the time you’re up.”

Kai nods and smiles at her before he starts towards the entrance hallway. He comes to an abrupt halt when he almost bumps into the electric wheelchair. “I’m sor—”

“I’m sorry,” Sehun beats him to it, apologizing so seriously like he had killed someone. Kai takes a step back as his eyes widen and his throat goes dry. Yes, he has seen Sehun before. One time, at the wedding. He doesn’t think much has changed with him, but he hasn’t really even spoken to Sehun. He hasn’t seen Sehun _this_ close. Kai stares at Sehun’s face, and then his glimmering eyes, then the kind smile on his rose pink lips.

It cruelly and mercilessly hits him, so hard that he is knocked down all at once. He feels crushed. He feels broken. He feels _alive_ and _dead._ That is how beautiful Sehun is.

His heart shatters into smithereens.

“You’re Kai. Nina’s brother,” Sehun says, snapping Kai back to reality.

“I… I am,” Kai stutters and swallows. Sehun extends a shaky arm. He could only raise his hand at a low level. His fingers are firmly curled and he couldn’t stretch them out. Kai slips a couple of fingers between Sehun’s thumb and forefinger, and gives a gentle shake. Sehun’s fingers are cold.

“Kai, this is Sehun,” Nina says.

“Yeah, I know. I saw him at your wedding, remember?” Kai snorts, withdrawing his hand from Sehun’s.

“Splendid, then. I’ll go see what’s cooking in the kitchen.” With that, she excuses herself.

Kai scratches the back of his head with a dopey grin plastered to his face. Sehun is smiling, too. But his smile is the kind of smile that can knock men for six and out of their senses. His cheeks are blossoming like rosebuds and he is generally pale, but just the tip of his nose, his cheeks and lips are incredibly pink.

“Make yourself at home, Kai,” Sehun says. His voice is feathery and soft.

“I will. Thanks for having me, by the way,” Kai tries to keep his cool, but the way Sehun’s looking at him makes it impossible.

“It’s no problem. Actually, I think it’ll be nice. Having someone around. It’s been pretty lonely around here.”

Kai couldn’t possibly believe what could be lonely between two newlyweds, but he guess he could understand why. “Right. I’ll just…” he brushes past Sehun and his wheelchair. Kai’s nape and cheeks are burning as he hurries back into the hallway.

“May I show you to your room?” Martha asks as she waits by the stairway.

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” he grabs his backpack as the maidservant climbs up the stairs. He pauses when he sees Sehun steering his electric wheelchair into the hallway. He doesn’t notice Kai past the hydrangeas on the round table as he tries to lift his arm. His knuckles brush the lilies on the sideboard in the hallway and the corners of his full lips quirk into a beautiful smile. Light pours into the room through the raspberry windows behind Sehun.

Kai, smiling to himself, fishes his camera out from the backpack and snaps a picture of Sehun.

**_It didn’t take much for me to realize that I had fallen in love that day. I made myself a promise; I will never make a move on my sister’s husband. But it was a promise I couldn’t keep. It was a brilliant spring, a wonderful summer. As the autumn came, my life began to wither away as the leaves on the branches and my sun began to hide behind grey clouds. Clouds with no silver linings._ **

**_I had fallen in love. And I had fallen too hard for Sehun, who was already counting his days. I wanted to see the smile on his face in the picture I took that day last forever. But Nina was bound to wipe it away. For all that it mattered, Sehun’s happiness had become my responsibility. Sehun… the boy who was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy, the boy who was not going to make it to his thirties, the boy who loved me until his last breath._ **


	2. Until I Saw Your Smile

_UNTIL I SAW YOUR SMILE_

_As my breath brims with love,_

_As clouds curl in the sky above,_

_You calmly saunter into my life,_

_Seeing all my flaws and strife._

_There is no room for love—I said,_

_There is no flower in this lifeless world—I said._

_Until I laid my eyes upon you,_

_Until your scent caressed my skin,_

_Until I saw your smile._

_Then I fell for you—I started to say instead._

Kai burrows his pen in his journal and grazes his teeth across his lower lip, smiling sheepishly at the poem he has just written. It is a wonderful morning when he gazes out the window of the lavish bedroom. His heart is light as the sky outside and he knows the only reason he feels so _complete_ and alive is the man he couldn’t seem to take his mind off.

Is it too simple to say Sehun is his muse? Or is he just more than that? Right now, Kai is planning to leave it at that. After quite some while, the passion for writing is reignited and he has no one to thank, but Sehun.

Kai had skipped dinner last night, so his stomach has been grumbling from the moment he cracked an eye open. He’s showered and well-dressed, hoping to see Sehun at the table for breakfast. After settling his journal on the bedside table, he rises from the bed and grabs his camera before heading downstairs.

“Morning,” he greets the lady servant in a cheery tone as he hastily hurtles down the stairs. She is dusting the railings of the staircase and she tosses him a stern look. Kai continues to smile as he reaches the bottom of the stairs and bows his head at the servants who are busy buffing the furniture in the hallway. It surprises him a little to find _this_ many servants. Of course, it is a gigantic house. The hallway sort of looks like one of the hotels Kai stayed in when he visited Dubai.

“Mr Kim,” he hears someone call and casually turns his head halfway around to see Martha walking towards him.

“Ah, morning, Martha,” he grins.

“Good morning, sir.”

“Please, call me Kai. I’m just an average Joe,” Kai tries to laugh to lighten the atmosphere, but Martha seems like she isn’t in the mood.

“I thought you said you were a Kai,” she says grimly.

Kai chuckles. “Good one.”

“Your sister waiting for you in the dining hall, sir.”

Looks like Kai can’t get his way with Martha. That’s okay. “Oh, do you know where I can find this dining hall?” he asks, rubbing the back of his neck.

Martha doesn’t reply as she leads the way. Kai follows. He takes a photograph of the portraits in the hallway. He most certainly needs to ask Nina what on earth Sehun’s family does for a living.

Kai’s stomach knots when he enters the room. There is a crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling which has intricate patterns carved to it. On the ground, there is a long table, topped with a waffles and an assortment of berries along with butter and maple syrup. He doesn’t understand what Martha meant by saying ‘his sister was waiting for him’, because she has already wiped her plate clean.

“Kai,” she yaps excitedly and wipes her lips with the napkin. Oh, so she’s the kind of person who wipes her mouth with napkin after eating now, huh? Kai finds the situation very amusing. His sister has definitely reached her goal.

“Morning, sis,” he walks over to the table and takes his seat. “Sorry I couldn’t join you for dinner last night.” He places his camera on the vacant chair beside him and looks around the dining hall. He feels a little disinterested when he doesn’t find Sehun there.

“That’s fine. I wanted to send some sandwiches to your room, but Martha said you were already asleep.” She is smiling, but Kai doesn’t know why. Nina rarely smiles.

Kai helps himself to the waffles and berries. “I was just so jet-lagged. I woke up at four actually,” he pauses to take a bite of the waffle. “Where’s Sehun?”

“I don’t know,” she sighs, shrugging.

“You don’t know?” Kai arches a brow. “Shouldn’t you make sure he eats his breakfast?”

“I’m not his Mommy, Kai,” her smile disappears as an annoyed frown takes over her moody expression. “Martha’s here for that. To make sure he eats his breakfast.”

“Oh, so Martha’s his caregiver?”

“And also the head maid. But Barton mostly takes care of Sehun. You know, give him his meds, bathe him, wipe his butt.” Kai wants to scowl at Nina’s nonchalance, but he doesn’t.

“Ah,” he floods his plate with the sugary syrup and sucks on a knob of butter. “But still, you’re his _wife_.”

“On paper,” she snorts and smirks.

Kai’s eyes narrows as he tries to not ask anything brashly. “What do you mean?” he decides to ask.

“Nothing,” Nina sighs.

“So if Martha and Barton do all those things for Sehun, what do you do, then?”

That irks Nina. “Why are you even asking me such stuff?”

“I’m curious,” Kai shrugs, shoving another piece of waffle in his mouth. “Are you like his trophy wife or something? Parading you around while you feed off his fortune?”

Nina jolts up to her feet, almost knocking the chair off and Kai calmly continues to fill his belly. “You’re a fucking bastard, you know? Is that what you think? I married him for his money?”

Kai leans back in his seat and laughs at her. “Is that what _I_ think? Nina, it’s what the entire world thinks. And sorry if that bites. You are the kind of person who’d do anything to achieve her ambitions. While that might be admirable, you know that it’s also repulsive.”

Nina crosses her arms over her chest and starts to pace the floor. “Look. You don’t have to be an utter arse right after a day of visiting me, okay? Cut me some slack. I’ve missed you.”

Kai licks the sugar off his lips and heaves a sigh. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be such a dick.”

“I know you’re… jealous that I settled down. But at least try to be a little supportive.”

Kai flashes a Cheshire grin. “Yeah. _So_ jealous.”

Nina shakes her head and perches on the edge of the table. “We don’t have to keep aiming at each other’s throats like this, you know. We’re… old enough now.”

Kai wants to agree with her. “Okay. Fine. I’ll try to not to judge hereon.”

“And I’ll try to be nicer.” She smiles.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

They sit in silence for a moment before Nina musses Kai’s hair. “Get a haircut, for Christ’s sakes.”

Kai shoves her hand off. “I like it the way it is. Attracts chicks like magnet.”

Nina scoffs, rolling her eyes. “By chicks do you mean baby chickens? Because I know you do blokes.”

Kai lifts his shoulders. “I do both.”

“Waffles, sir,” he hears a foreign voice boom into the hall as the doors are opened. A middle-aged man enters and holds the door open before Kai sees the wheelchair driving in. Kai lets out a shaky breath and pulls on a smile when his eyes fall on Sehun.

He looks paler than yesterday, but the moment he looks to Kai, he smiles.

“Good morning, Kai,” Sehun says and Kai fights the urge to blurt out something entirely corny, because he really wants to. He wonders what Sehun would say if he finds out Kai had written a romantic poem for him. Or at least because of him.

“Morning, Sehun.”

Sehun stops his wheelchair at the table, directly on the opposite of Kai. His hand is curled around the remote stick of his wheelchair, but Kai knows enough about the disease to know that Sehun would not be able to really stretch out his fingers or raise his arms. He can’t move any muscle in his body beneath his neck except his arms.

“I’m going shopping,” Nina says and starts towards the door. Kai frowns at her. She doesn’t even look in Sehun’s way or have a care about him eating. “Kai, do you wanna come?”

Kai shakes his head, clenching his jaw. “You have fun.”

When she’s stormed out of the hall, Kai turns his full attention to Sehun. The older man, Barton—Kai assumes, plates a couple of waffles and dribbles the syrup over them. “Berries, sir?”

Sehun nods. “Sleep good, Kai?” his voice is so gentle and soft. It carries like the wind.

“Yeah,” Kai murmurs, grinning a toothy smile. “And you?”

Sehun only smiles. Barton takes his seat in the chair next to Sehun’s wheelchair and begins to feed him with a fork. Kai knows he’s staring at them and he wonders if Sehun feels uncomfortable, having some guy’s eyes on him like this while he eats. So Kai grabs himself another waffle and ravages it.

He tries to look away, but he couldn’t. So he ends up staring at Sehun’s parting and snapping lips. Eventually, Sehun draws his tongue along his lips and Kai fumbles, swallowing hard.

“I can manage, Barton,” he says after a while. “Can you go fetch my pills?”

The caregiver settles the plate on the table and slips the fork into Sehun’s rigid, crooked fingers before he hurries away. Kai lowers his gaze when Sehun looks up at him.

“I’m sorry,” Sehun mutters. “This must be odd for you.”

Kai glances up and blinks vacantly. “Oh, my God, no. That’s… fine. I’ve met another guy with… um… muscular dystrophy. In Norway.”

Sehun’s eyes widen. “Really?”

“Yeah. He was a funny guy.”

“Well, I’m not a funny guy, sorry,” he sneers and Kai finds himself lost in that humble smile again. God, he’d do anything to keep seeing that smile on Sehun’s lips. “I must warn you. You’d be bored to death here. It’s always so lonely.”

Kai pours some orange juice into the tall glass and takes a swig of it. “I’m very used to loneliness.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’m a writer slash journalist. So I am alone a lot.”

Sehun is trying to lift the fork to his mouth. Kai watches him with intent. “Writer. I know. I read your book. Nina bought it, but she never read it.”

Kai gapes at him as the sweet-bitter juice almost chokes him. He coughs with his eyes bulging out. “You’ve read my book?!”

Sehun chuckles. “I think a lot of people have, Kai.”

“Wow… I mean… Wow.” He somehow feels closer to Sehun now. It’s stupid really, but he couldn’t help it.

“Nina asked you to come over?”

“She did. She didn’t tell you?”

Sehun keeps mum for a moment, settling the fork down on the plate. His eyes are low now. “No. Well, she did tell me after you arrived.”

Barton rushes back into the hall. “Here you go, sir,” he hands pops the pills into Sehun’s mouth and helps him with a glass of water. “What would you like to do today, sir?”

Sehun smiles in Kai’s way. “Would you like to… perhaps take a tour around the estate? There’s a vineyard.”

Kai couldn’t believe his ears. “Sure,” he says, burying the excitement. “I’d love that.”

Sehun steers his wheelchair towards the entrance and Kai follows him, slinging his camera around his neck.

**~*~**

**_He was so easy to love. He made it so, so easy to love him. Everyone deserved to love like that. There wasn’t any toxicity in that love I felt for him. There was no hardship. Everything was so pure and naïve. As I walked with him through the green, lush estate that day, stealing glimpses of him at every chance I had, I realized only the nicest, kindest of people suffered the most in this world._ **

**_For that I wasn’t a religious man, I never believed God did this to him. I found no one to blame, I could not blame anybody because I never saw the flaw within him. He was perfect in my eyes._ **

**~*~**

Kai knows a happy person when he sees one. Sehun’s beautiful smile is a smile to hide his injured soul, to hide how broken he really is. He smiles and he says he’s okay. His smile hides a million heartaches, a million fears.

“My great grandfather used to be the biggest winemaker in this town. My grandfather expanded the business worldwide,” Sehun drones as they saunter past the vineyard under the young spring sun. It smells like grapes everywhere Kai turns. They are quite far from the manor, but there is a path built for Sehun’s wheelchair.

“That really explains the… money,” Kai sniggers and Sehun nods his head a little.

“Obviously, I can’t take over the business. My father wants an heir, of course. But we all know that’s not going to happen.”

“Well, why not?” Kai feels stupid the second he asks the question. Sehun pins him with a sullen look. “Uh, I mean, if it’s a problem… there are some stuff to get your babies in a lot of different ways.”

That brings about the darkest, reddest blush Kai has ever seen in Sehun’s cheeks. He purses his lips into a thin line and looks away from Kai. “I’m not sure that’s the problem,” he utters under his breath and moves forward.

Kai should really shut his mouth, but he couldn’t help it. “Is Nina the problem, then?”

Sehun doesn’t answer. The sunrays are dancing through the brown strands of Sehun’s hair and his face is so pink, Kai wants to wish the blush away. “You’re her brother. You’d know about her, won’t you?”

“Well, I can’t say we’re the best siblings out there.”

Sehun grins. “I don’t know anything about her.”

Kai pauses for a moment as Sehun steers his wheelchair into the vineyard. Then he jogs after him. “Give her some time. She’ll warm up.”

“She won’t,” Sehun is still smiling. “And that’s okay. She did this because my father asked. She shouldn’t suffer with a lame.”

Kai’s eyebrows furrow into a scowl. “She _married_ you. She wouldn’t have done that just because your father asked. Sehun, I’m sure she cares about you.”

“What I’m saying is that she doesn’t need to. It’s not fair to her.” He continues forward and comes to a stop. He reaches a hand out and brushes his knuckles over the grapes. “You know, some of these grapes are useless. They get thrown out. And it’s okay because they don’t matter. That’s how it is. No one can help it.” he sighs.

“You didn’t ask for this.”

Sehun shakes his head. “I didn’t want to get married. But I guess I was happy that I had,” his smile is miserable now. “It didn’t change much.”

Kai hangs his head, fiddling with the buttons on the camera. When he raises his head again, the sunrays are beautifully lined across Sehun’s hair. “Whoa. Stay still.”

“What?”

Kai lowers down to a knee and raises his camera. The blush on Sehun’s cheeks darkens. “Smile.”

“No, please,” Sehun _is_ smiling, but he looks away. Kai snaps the picture.

“Honestly, you’re like a natural model,” he rises back to his full height and checks the photo. The light is just perfect, illuminating a side of Sehun’s face while he is glancing away, blushing. The vineyard is also rich and green around him. “Here, look.”

Sehun gawks at his own picture and gapes at Kai. “I swear to God, I don’t look like that.”

“It is you,” Kai laughs.

**~*~**

**_So I asked again and again. Was he special? I didn’t think so and neither had he. But I didn’t say we were right. We were both so wrong. Because he had indeed been special._ **


	3. When He Couldn't

_WHEN HE COULDN’T…_

_When he couldn’t love himself,_

_I tried to love him._

_When he couldn’t smile anymore,_

_I tried to smile for him._

_When he couldn’t breathe,_

_I breathed for him._

_When he couldn’t live,_

_I lived for him._

_When he couldn’t give himself to me,_

_I took him myself._

**_A week was all that we needed to realize what love was. And that week had been magical for the both of us. I wasn’t only his shoulder to cry on, I had also become his only solace and he loved me forbearingly for that. By the end of that beautiful week, Sehun was bound to be crushed, and most of all, I was bound to be crushed. Because not just Sehun’s happiness that had become my happiness. His misery had become my misery as well._ **

****~*~

“I must warn you, I have a tendency to fall asleep when I’m watching movies,” Kai lies as he perches on the couch in the living hall, rolling the sleeves of his flannel shirt to his elbows.

“Really?” Sehun asks with widened eyes.

“No,” Kai scoffs. “But I _am_ very chatty.”

Sehun sneers and chuckles a little. “That’ll be nice. I always watch movies alone.”

Kai smirks and Sehun endearingly holds Kai’s gaze for a moment before he averts his eyes to the couch. It doesn’t look like much comfortable for Sehun to watch the movie from the wheelchair. “Hey, do you want to shift to the couch?”

Sehun glances around them. “Sure, but Barton’s—”

Kai shoots up to his feet. “Oh, come on. Barton’s not the only one over here with big ass muscles.”

Sehun lets out a gasp when Kai slides his arms under his legs and around his back. “Kai, you don’t have to—”

“Don’t sweat it, Sehun. It’s fine,” he laughs as he lifts Sehun into his arms. Oh, God. Kai tries his best to not to let his cheeks turn hot or red as he presses Sehun’s skinny, unbelievably light body to his chest. Sehun’s nose brushes Kai’s jaw as his curled hand is helplessly clinging onto Kai’s shirt by the chest. Kai wants to keep him there forever. He wants to protect Sehun in his arms from the rest of the world.

“There,” he calmly says, settling Sehun down on one end of the couch. Sehun’s cheeks are lightly crimsoned and he licks his lips, keeping his eyes on the coffee table. “So, shall we?” Kai takes his seat on the other end of the couch and presses the play button on the remote control. Sehun earnestly stares at the coffee table, pondering about something. He has that contemplating face on. It’s been almost week since Kai had come over and Kai has only seen Sehun four times because Sehun had often been too sick some days to get out of bed. But Kai has seen Sehun more than he’s seen Nina this week. And honestly, Sehun is more hospitable and a better host than Nina. He’s been making sure that Kai is well-entertained during his stay here. And tonight, they plan to have some steak for dinner and then watch _Goodfellas_ because apparently, Sehun is a total sucker for crime dramas. He told Kai that he’s watched _Godfather_ thirty-six times.

“Sehun?” Kai calls as the credits roll in.

“Yeah?”

“Are you… usually alone all the time? I mean, does Nina even… do stuff with you? Like watch movies or have dinners?”

Sehun has become more comfortable about discussing Nina with Kai over the past couple of days, but Kai could tell Sehun longs for Nina’s attention. He shakes his head. “She doesn’t like the movies I like and well, she has better things to do.”

“Like shopping 24/7?”

Sehun doesn’t reply as he keeps his eyes on the TV screen. Kai heaves a sigh and tries to focus on the movie instead of how beautiful Sehun and his lips are. “I love Robert De Niro. He’s such a good actor,” he says after a while.

“I loved him in _Shark Tale_.”

Sehun glances to him with a stink-eye. “Seriously?” he chuckles. “ _Shark Tale_?”

“Hey, you don’t get to judge. You watch such violent movies!”

“Still! You’re a grown man, watching kids’ shows.”

“I’m young at heart,” Kai winks and Sehun rolls his eyes. “Besides, _Shark Tale_ was great production.”

“Oh, come on! None of DreamWorks movies are as good as Pixar or Disney’s.”

“Oh, my God. Do you want to fight me, Oh Sehun?! Let me tell you something. DreamWorks animations are top-notch.”

“Nothing beats _Tangled_ or _Frozen_. And _Toy Story_!” Sehun argues.

“Puh-lease,” Kai scoffs. “They just _look_ nice. _Megamind_ , _Rise of the Guardians, Kung Fu Panda, Shrek, Sinbad: The Legend of the Seven Seas, Madagascar, How to Train Your Dragon, The Croods, Chicken Run_ , these are all way, way, way better than anything Pixar or Disney has put out there!”

Sehun is staring at Kai in surprise. “Wow. I thought men like you would spend their free time watching adult films.”

That makes Kai’s cheeks go hot. “Well… Uh.”

Sehun smiles. “I can’t believe we just had an argument over that.”

“Yeah,” Kai snorts. “DreamWorks is still better.”

“Speak for yourself.” He is still grinning and Kai just wants to kiss the corner of his lips.

Kai barely concentrates on the movie, but Sehun seems so drawn into the film. Eventually, his eyelids fall heavy and Kai finds it unbelievably cute. Sucking in a shaky breath, he slides closer to Sehun.

Sehun doesn’t notice it or at least he doesn’t show that he notices Kai sliding in. “Sometimes I wonder how long she’ll have to suffer like this,” Sehun says after an hour or something.

“What?”

“Nina,” he sighs. “Sometimes I wonder that,” he looks to Kai with a languid, sleepy gaze that Kai wants to bathe in. “But then I convince myself not for long.”

Kai’s heart drops to his stomach with a thud. “Sehun,” he breathes out, raising a hand to Sehun’s face. He gently tucks a lock of Sehun’s hair behind his ear and brushes another lock from Sehun’s temple. Sehun freezes with his touch, but he looks too sleepy. He leans into Kai’s touch and lets out a trembling breath. Kai wonders if anyone has ever touched him like this. He lets Sehun press his soft cheek against his palm and Kai cups it. “Nina isn’t the one suffering. She wanted this.”

“She never wanted _me_ ,” Sehun murmurs with his eyes closed. Tears clump his long eyelashes together and Kai wants to kiss his eyes. He doesn’t. This is too intimate and Sehun probably knows that, too. He pulls his hand back and straightens up, returning his eyes to the TV with his eyebrows furrowed into a frown.

“Give her some time,” Kai says and Sehun falls silent. Gradually, he falls asleep before the movie even ends. He is leaning his head to the armrest. Kai waits until the movie is over to wake Sehun up, but he ends up watching Sehun sleep uncomfortably on the couch for a moment before he strokes Sehun’s cheek with his fingertips. “I wish I had met you before Nina had.” Kai whispers and gently drawing his knuckles along the soft strands of Sehun’s hair.

He then carefully lifts Sehun up into his arms. Sehun moans softly a little, burying his face into Kai’s chest, but he doesn’t protest as he lets Kai carry him to his bedroom. He’s half awake, Kai realizes. But Sehun keeps his eyes clenched and lips pursed. He’s so beautiful. Kai doesn’t know how many photos of Sehun he has already taken, but he desperately wants to take one right now.

When he reaches Sehun’s bedroom, which he discovered two days ago, he gently lays Sehun on the bed. And he also found out that Nina doesn’t share a room with Sehun.

Maybe it’s the medicines that Sehun take that makes him this drowsy, but Kai isn’t complaining. He wants to sit around and just watch him sleep, but he knows Sehun would not like it. So he drapes the duvet over Sehun and decides to leave when he hears a car pulling up the driveway. He walks over to the window and pushes the curtains aside just a little.

That instant, his entire body quakes with a traumatic anger and he feels a boulder crush his soul. Nina is clinging to a man and has her mouth all over his. Kai recognizes the tall man after a moment. The best man at Sehun’s wedding. His cousin or some relative. Kai doesn’t recall.

His hands curls into a fist around the curtain as he clenches his jaw. Is he supposed to be mad that his sister is cheating on her husband, who’s probably the kindest, purest man she would ever come across? Or is he supposed to be glad that his sister practically has _everything_ she ever wanted, even though whatever that she wants is abominably repulsive?

Kai pulls away from the window, fighting the urge to punch through a wall. He glances to Sehun who is fast asleep. There is some sort of machine at the side of the bed and Kai doesn’t know what it does. Maybe Barton does. He should go get the caregiver. He should do something to distract himself from the anger.

He hurries back downstairs to look for the caregiver and finds Nina sauntering into the manor with a satisfied grin plastered to her pink face. “Kai,” she rasps when she sees him by the stairs.

“Hey, Nina,” Kai mutters and continues to the hallway without sparing his sister another moment.

“Hey, wait up,” Nina catches up to him and latches onto his arm. “So, what did you do today?”

“Nothing much,” he spits through his grit teeth and brushes her off. “I’m tired. Good night, sis.”

She doesn’t come after him.


	4. For No One To Hear

_FOR NO ONE TO HEAR…_

_Break his heart,_

_Rip his soul apart,_

_Until he’s nothing but cut,_

_And all his emotions are shut,_

_While he lives, breathing in fear,_

_He screams for no one to hear._

Kai closes his journal when he hears the knocks on the door. “Coming,” he calls out and rises from his bed. He pulls a t-shirt on and hurries to get the door. “Barton,” he rasps, eyes widening.

“Good morning, sir,” the man says, bowing his head.

“Uh,” Kai stutters, straightening his t-shirt’s hem. “Morning. Um, what can I do for you?”

“Not as much as I can do for you, sir. Sehun has invited you to have breakfast with him.”

Kai arches his eyebrows. “Oh… He’s up?”

“Would you like join him, sir?”

“Of course, of course,” he mutters, grabs the camera and steps out before closing the door behind him. “He actually asked for me to join him?” Kai couldn’t help but smile to himself.

“Yes. This way, sir.” Barton assists him into a room instead of the stairs. Kai silently follows him until they reach the balcony.

“Wow,” Kai lets out with his eyes bulging out. There are fully bloomed white and red roses adorning almost every inch of the balcony. The estate is green on the horizon, providing a stunning view. And amidst it all is a white table, a chair and Sehun in his wheelchair. Sehun turns around and his lips stretch into a beautiful smile that’s even more captivating than the view. Kai involuntarily raises his camera and snaps a picture of him.

Sehun’s cheeks turn pink instantly and he looks away as Kai lowers the camera. “Why do you keeping taking pictures of me?” Sehun asks under his breath as Kai walks over to the table and takes his seat.

“Well, I’m sorry. I have a habit of taking pictures of every beautiful thing I see.” Kai smirks and Sehun looks up at him with a languid gaze.

“Is it also your habit to flatter people?” he snorts as Barton plates the quiches and tarts, pouring them both something that smells like jasmine tea. Kai is honestly coffee person, but Sehun seems like a tea person.

“Only people I happen to like,” Kai says and he notices the smile that forms on Barton’s face, though he keeps his eyes and hands steady on the teapot. Sehun blushes again, but he is also smiling bashfully. “Thanks, Barton.” Kai takes a sip of the sweet, aromatic tea.

“I can manage, Barton. You may leave us,” Sehun tells his caregiver, who nods his head and storms out of there.

“This is a nice surprise. Did you perhaps wake up on the right side of bed?”

Sehun chuckles. “I just thought you’d like to have breakfast with me.”

Kai takes the picture of the estate that surrounds the villa before he turns the camera in Sehun’s way. “Smile for me.”

“No,” Sehun whines, laughing as he raises his loosely fisted hand up to cover his face. The roses are beautiful embellishing Sehun’s background, but Kai is a sappy romantic who finds Sehun to be more beautiful than any of the roses. God, Sehun can never know how corny Kai is. Or maybe he should. Maybe Sehun _should_ know how imperfectly perfect he is.

Kai settles his camera on the table and tastes the strawberry tart. “Will Nina be joining us?” he asks casually. He doesn’t want to think about what he had seen last night, but the image is still so fresh behind his eyelids. Should he tell Sehun? Sehun deserves to know, doesn’t he? But would Kai be sticking his nose somewhere it doesn’t belong?

“I think you know that she won’t be.” Sehun mutters, struggling to pick up the quiche slice.

“Here, let me help.” Kai scoots his chair closer to Sehun’s wheelchair and brings the quiche to Sehun’s mouth. Sehun pins him a sidelong glance and Kai reassures him with a smile. “I washed my hand. Don’t worry.”

Sehun laughs and takes a bite of the quiche. “Thanks. For… carrying me to my room last night.”

“Nah, that’s okay,” Kai sighs, lowering his gaze to Sehun’s plush lips. He helplessly wonders if how many lips those pink, full lips would have touched. Kai swallows and leans back. “Uh… Sehun. I… saw something last night.”

Sehun fixes his eyes on Kai’s and waits.

“It’s about… Nina,” Kai sighs uncomfortably. “I’m not sure you want to hear this, but it just isn’t fair to you. So I don’t care if you don’t want to hear this, but you need to know.”

Then he sees Sehun smile. “Did you see her with my cousin?”

Kai blinks blankly. “What… Y-yeah… How did you…”

Sehun’s smile doesn’t falter. He lets out a heavy sigh and glances to the roses. “I know. I’ve always known.”

Kai’s throat feels dry and his heart pounds a little. “And… you never did anything about it?”

“What is there for me to do? Nina is happy.” He meets Kai’s baffled gaze again.

Staring at Sehun’s unwavering smile, Kai clears his throat. “Sehun, you’re not supposed to just… let her be as she wants.”

“But I can, Kai. She married me because she had to.”

“No. She had a choice.”

“She still does. Do you not see I’m the one who doesn’t have a choice?”

“Sehun—”

Sehun cuts him off, shaking his head only slightly. “I’m fine with it. It never really bothered me.”

“It bothers me.”

“She’s my wife. And I have no problem with it. It doesn’t have to bother you.”

Kai shoots up to his feet and starts pacing the balcony’s floor, rubbing his temples. “So what, then?” he snaps furiously. “You’re just going to live like this until you…” he trails off with a raspy breath.

Sehun purses his lips for a moment. “Until I die? That’s the plan, Kai. Won’t be too long anyway.” He lowers his eyes, staring at his crooked fingers resting on his lap.

“It’s not about dying, Sehun. We’re all gonna die someday. Hell, I might die tomorrow. But you don’t have to punish yourself for that. You can live for as long as you live.”

Sehun surprisingly laughs as though he is amused. “It’s really easier said than done. And of course, you’re not the one who’s bound to a bloody wheelchair and can’t even raise a goddamn arm to clean after yourself. How do you want me to live for as long as I live, Kai? When I am nothing but a breathing corpse to everyone?! When I literally mean nothing to anyone?!”

“You mean something to _me_ , okay?!”

“You hardly know me,” he scoffs.

Kai falls silent as he gapes at Sehun who averts his gaze away from him with his eyebrows furrowed into a scowl. “Right,” Kai lets out and grabs his camera. “Perhaps you only concentrate on all the shit life throws at you and ignore the beautiful side of it.” With that, he storms out of the room, clenching his jaw and fists.

 ~*~

**_He didn’t believe in wonders. He didn’t believe in miracles. All that he believed was that if he pushed everyone away, things will be easier. So he tried. But he could never push me away. He might have thought of it as a fling and he never really trusted that I could be in love with him. Even so, he let me love him._ **

**_A couple of nights after that incident, I found Sehun in a wreck. He was crying in his room after an argument with Nina. That was the night when he surrendered himself to me and begged me to love him, to show him some kind of love, even if it were just for one night as he clung onto my neck with my lips pressed against his cheek._ **


	5. The Day We Met

_THE DAY WE MET…_

_The misery suffocates me,_

_But he’s the one who’s drowning._

_It’ll be nothing but a sweet memory,_

_Forever leaving me yearning._

_He left me with tears,_

_Never seeing my fears,_

_But he once said there will always be a way,_

_Another day._

_So he left,_

_And I go back to the day we met._

Kai jogs downstairs as his stomach grumbles. He meets Martha along the way and greets her with half a smile. “Evening, Martha.”

“Good evening,” she mutters, dusting the sideboard.

“Is Sehun still awake?” he asks. Perhaps he should apologize for what he had done yesterday. He knows he has to. He had been too harsh—unnecessarily actually. He should have tried to understand Sehun’s viewpoint. The guy basically perceives every day to be the end of his world. Kai would love to prove him wrong if he gets the chance.

“I don’t know,” she says tiredly. “He should be.”

Kai rubs the back of his neck and sighs. “I haven’t seen him for a day. Barton told me he was feeling a little under the weather yesterday.”

Martha doesn’t reply. Kai shrugs and walks away. He saunters into the dining hall and finds Nina at the table, flipping through a fashion magazine. The image of her kissing that buff dude from the other night flashes before Kai’s eyes before the image of Sehun miserably admitting that he’s okay with it does.

He clenches his fists. “Nina,” he calls, walking in and his sister raises her head. “We need to talk.”

“Oh, hey, Kai.”

“Why the hell did you ask me to come?” he growls, yanking the chair beside the one his sister is settled in. “And you better tell me the truth.”

Nina gapes at him in something like horror. “What are you talking about?”

“You clearly didn’t ask me to come to fucking spend time with me. Especially not when you’re going around with some other guy,” he spits through his grit teeth and Nina goes still as her eyes bulge out.

“What?” she breathes out.

“Yeah. I know. I saw you snogging Sehun’s cousin.”

Nina drops her gaze and aimlessly stares at the magazine. “I… Kai…”

Kai shakes his head. “Whatever the heck did he ever do to you that you’re tormenting him like this?”

“Why am I the bad guy here?!” she jolts up to her feet. “What do you want me to say, Kai?! That I married him for his money?! Of course I did! Why else would anyone marry _him_ if it weren’t for his money?! He knows that, too! It’s not like I don’t sympathize him. I do! I feel terribly sorry for him and it’s killing me that I cannot give him what he wants. But _I_ can’t live miserably just because _he_ can’t have a goddamn life! Any woman in my spot would have done the same thing.”

“Any _decent_ woman never would have done the cheapest, lowest shit that you did,” Kai snaps, grinding his teeth and Nina’s jaw falls slacking as she gawks at him wordlessly. “I won’t listen to justify your way out of this. Everyone knows what sort of a woman you are, Nina. Even as a child, all that you ever coveted was things. Stupid _things_. You don’t try to see _people._ You’re bloody expecting sex from Sehun. But why can’t you see that isn’t what makes him happy? Watch a goddamn movie with him. Go out on a walk with him in the evening. Fucking eat some dinner with him! Those things make him happy. But no, you’re just a selfish little…” he trails off, panting hard.

Nina’s eyes are brimming with tears as she furiously scowls at him. “What about what makes _me_ happy, Kai?”

“You have a whole life ahead of you to fool around with whichever bastard you want. Sehun has months! Would it kill you to make him smile at least once?! Because he has the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen and there’s so much pain behind that smile! You’re treating him like a lame. He’s a man. He has feelings. He can love. He can try. He can feel every pain that _you_ inflict on him. And he also has fucking dreams, which can never be fulfilled!” he slams his fist onto the table and shouts so loud that his voice ricochets off the walls and echoes in the hall.

A tear trickles down Nina’s eye as she flinches, recoiling away from Kai. Her eyes dart over Kai’s shoulder and she holds her gaze there.

Kai swallows the lump in his throat and turns his head halfway around to see Sehun by the doors. His bloodshot eyes are staring at Kai, but he has no expression on his face. It’s like a blank slate. “Sehun…” Kai breathes out and that’s when his gaze flits to Nina.

“Kai… Can you leave us for a moment?” Sehun mutters monotonously and Kai grips his fists before storming out of there.

He stomps straight to his room and slams the door shut. He lets out a ferocious groan, kicking the foot of the bed before he flumps down on the edge. He buries his face in his palms as his body rocks. “Fuck you, Kim Kai,” he hisses at himself.

When a moment has passed, Kai hears Nina shouting incoherently. Kai wonders if he should barge in there again, but then decides against it because he probably shouldn’t come between a married couple. Hasn’t he done enough already?

The yelling only loudens and he hears something clattering. His blood pounds in his ears and he stands up. He starts pacing the room’s floor for minutes before he hears the slam of a door. He waits a little longer before walking out of the room.

When he walks past Sehun’s room, he finds the man in the room, facing the window. Kai pushes the door open and steps in. “Sehun?” he calls in a low voice.

Sehun doesn’t turn his wheelchair around. “She left,” he says. “She said she doesn’t care and she left.” Sehun whispers, bringing his crooked fingers to the window and presses them to the glass.

Kai quietly closes the door. “She’ll come back.”

Sehun keeps mum. Kai steps closer to him when he hears Sehun sniffle.

“Sehun.”

Sehun finally turns his wheelchair around and faces him. Kai’s heart drops to his stomach as though it is ripped open and his entire body feels vulnerable when he sees that tears that trickle down Sehun’s cheeks unchecked. His eyes, cheeks, ear, lips are all red. He breaks into more tears and gasps for air.

“Did you…” he pants, looking up at Kai with his glistening, silently screaming eyes. “Mean… everything that… you said?”

Kai lets out a shaky breath, taking another step closer. “Yes,” he sighs. “Yes, Sehun. I mean every word that I said.”

Sehun lowers his eyes and sniffles. “I… do have dreams, Kai,” he whispers and cries again, wiping his cheeks feebly with the back of his shaking hand.

“Sehun…” Kai frowns with tears stinging his own eyes and drops to his knees before the wheelchair.

Then Sehun brings his head up a little to meet Kai’s gaze. “Please,” he breathes out. “Please… Please, Kai,” he tries to stretch his fingers open when he touches Kai’s cheek with a shaky hand. “Please… will you… make love to me… Please.” The tears drip off his chin as he begs. “Can you… show me… a little love… for just… one night?”

Kai clenches his jaw and rises to his feet. He doesn’t ask for permission when he lifts Sehun off the wheelchair. Sehun hides his face in Kai’s shoulder and sobs into Kai’s shirt as Kai carries him to the bed. He slowly settles Sehun on the bed and kneels on either sides of Sehun’s hips. Kai unbuttons Sehun’s shirts while watching him cry. Kai presses a palm to Sehun’s bare, hot chest and cups Sehun’s cheek.

“Look at me,” he whispers and Sehun gazes into Kai’s eyes. His eyelashes are clumped together by his tears. Kai leans in and presses his lips to both of Sehun’s eyes one by one. “You’re beautiful. I want you to know that,” he breathes out and gently brushes their lips together. Sehun shivers against Kai’s body as Kai kisses his lower lip. He parts his lips instinctively as when Kai’s tongue swipes along his upper lip. Sehun’s lips are hot and soft and completely clueless. It’s obvious that he has never even been kissed before. Not like this.

Kai lowers his hips to Sehun’s and drags his lips all over Sehun’s face, kissing every corner of it. Sehun clenches his eyes close and gasps a little when Kai pulls him up to sit on his lap.

~*~

**_Whatever else that happened that night remained as a sweet memory that I’ll hold onto till the day I die._ **

**_We gave each other as much as we possibly could. The beautiful spring ended far too quickly and I had to leave, with a promise made to him. I said I’ll come back to him before he even knows it. I said I’ll take him away with me after that and we’ll go see the world. He told me that’s his dream and that I am his only dream. Nina still had everything she wished for. Sehun said she deserved it. He said everyone deserved to be happy and that he was now the happiest. He saw the days he spent with me to be his happiest days and I couldn’t disagree as they were also mine._ **

**_When summer ended and autumn stepped in, I came back to keep my promise. But he was no longer there._ **

**_I stood by his grave and silently wept, holding his photographs in my hands as I read him every last one of the poems I wrote for him. It was like I was having a really good dream and I just woke up._ **

**_I opened my eyes and he closed his._ **

**_And I go back to the day we met._ **

****

**_S_** **_o, was he special? You tell me._ **

****

**end.**


End file.
